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We are all part of a family. Some of us belong to many families. Whether it is our family of origin, our extended family, family by marriage, stepfamily, foster family, adopted family or those we inherited when we became godparents, it is all, in many ways, what makes up who we are. Through those relationships, genetic or otherwise, it creates within us our vision and perception of self that has been created by the combination of nature and nurture.
I am part of many different families. Like every one else, my blood relatives have included aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. My extended family is another quite complicated story. My father was married twice (divorced the first time) which gave me half-brothers, half-sisters-in-law, nieces and a nephew, as well as their kids. Through my mother’s four marriages (she has been widowed four times) I ended up with stepcousins, stepbrothers, sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews and on and on. Through my three marriages (I divorced twice), I inherited nieces, nephews, and their children, as well as a brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, stepchildren, stepgrandchildren, and even stepgreat-grandchildren. Let me tell you, the branches in my family tree look as if they were drawn by a 2-year-old child using his or her left foot to hold the crayon.
For lots of folks, divorces and the passing of spouses may mean the end of contact with stepfamilies. In my world, that has not been the case. My mom was married to Jay Grommé for nearly two decades. When he died in 1999, we hoped that the relationship with the family would stay close and cordial. I am happy to report that our families are just as intertwined as when Pop was still with us. It’s true— we all miss Papa Jay, nevertheless, we didn’t let his passing sever the loving relationships that we had established during his marriage to my mother.
Further making my case is the re-establishment recently made with my late second husband’s family. I married into the Krieger Family when I was 23 years old. My husband Cliff was 63 at the time. Yes, there was a 40-year difference in our ages. We were married for 10 years before we divorced back in 1988. Over the years, I have touched base with the Krieger Family now and again, and I have found myself thinking of them often. With the ability to reach out through the Internet, I have recently reconnected with my two former granddaughters, Kathryn and Liz. They both live out of state, but when they were here this week on business, Mom and I met them for dinner. Kathryn’s husband, Alan, and the girls’ mom, Carol, joined us, too.
What a wonderful visit we had. We did a bit of catching up on each other’s lives and spent some time reminiscing about Cliff. Even though I hadn’t seen the girls, now young ladies, in over 15 years, the bond was still there. I am so excited to still be their grandma!
The lesson learned is, no matter the circumstances, a family can stay forever united. All it takes is open minds and open hearts.