By Neena Strichart
Having a mom who is 91 years of age brings a lot of joy and laughter into my life. Her attitude regarding the “golden years” is usually pretty comical, and with that in mind I offer you the following bits of funny business (sent to me by my friend Denise) in an attempt to entertain you, our loyal readers, and to give Mom a chuckle or two.
An elderly gentleman named Barney had been having serious hearing problems for a number of years. He finally went to the doctor, and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids. A month later, Barney went back to the doctor who told him, “Your hearing is perfect now. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
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A married couple who had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary had dinner at another couple’s home. When dinner was over, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.Â
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the restaurant?” Â
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
“I don’t know,” he said.“She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
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A couple in their nineties were both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, their doctor told them that they were physically okay but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asked.
“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” asked the wife.
“Sure,” he replied.
“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asked.
“No, I can remember it.”
“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it.”
“I can remember that!you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”
“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that so write it down.”
Irritated, he said “I don’t need to write it down. I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!”
He then toddled off into the kitchen.After about 20 minutes, the old man returned from the kitchen and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stared at the plate for a moment and then asked, “Where’s my toast?”
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year-old buddy, “So I hear you’re getting married.”
“Yep!”
“Do I know her?”
“Nope!”
“This woman, is she good looking?”
“Not really.”
“Is she a good cook?”
“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”
“Does she have lots of money?”
“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”
“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”
“Because she can still drive!”
