I don’t know very much.
I used to think I did. I thought I knew a few things about this and that, and at one time I considered myself to be a smart guy. I mean, I usually use common sense, I’ve traveled a bit, I’ve met a lot of people and I’ve picked up a few things over time. I was a good student all through high school. I got As in history, English, art and social studies. I had a steady diet of music, film, theatre and culture from my parents and tried to gain knowledge by osmosis by standing next to all the books on my dad’s shelves.
But once I got to college the perspective of my worldly knowledge immediately changed. And by my second semester I realized that I really didn’t know much at all. About anything.
This epiphany happened when I signed up for my general-education classes (and before suffering through my business school requirements). Once I started to read each class syllabus, I felt about the size of an ant. I asked myself, “What the heck was all this?” And even more specifically, it was in my astronomy class discussing universes, black holes, brown dwarves, galaxies and gaseous nebulae that I felt the size of one of those metaphorical grains of sand on a beach that represented the number of stars in the sky. I had the realization of what a micro speck of dust I am in a solar system, on a planet, on a continent, in a state, in a city, at a campus, in a classroom, in a chair.
I got onto that big university campus and felt pretty small. I didn’t know where I was going and the buildings all looked so tall and intimidating. I heard the list of classes other guys in the dorm were taking and thought “How would you even know any of that?”
I spent the following semesters trying to find out who were Moliere, Aristophanes and Herodotus? I suffered through the Hypergeometric Theory in statistics. I had never heard of Abstract Expressionism before college and wondered if Pollock, de Kooning and Rauschenberg was a law firm? My tank was obviously on empty as I tried to fill it with my requirements studying poetry, science, geography, geometry and gentrification. I had never before learned the differences between stratus, cirrus or cumulus clouds. And the Ming Dynasty? I wouldn’t know where to begin.
You see, I operate daily on the fear of not wanting to be the least educated guy around. It’s a big world, and, as a conscious human, I believe that it is critical to learn about the things around us (or before us). There’s an African proverb that says, “Not to know is bad; not to wish to know is worse.” I get it. There are so many things in the world to know, and I feel compelled to try to know some things before I reach the finish line. And why wouldn’t I want to know more than the daily bubble I operate in?
Even all these years out of college with work and life experience and the pursuit of our family creed of carpe diem, I still feel like that grain of sand and lacking so much of the “What Everyone Should Know 101.”
Off the top I could easily join Joni Mitchell and agree that I really don’t know much about clouds, love or life at all. I’m not even sure I know the way to San Jose. Sure, I can give you some info on the Civil War, ‘80s music trivia or the plots to episodes of The Twilight Zone and M*A*S*H, but that wouldn’t get me invited to parties in the Upper West Side of Manhattan or a guest-speaking gig at MIT. Maybe, just maybe, Cubberly Elementary would have me come speak at an assembly.
I certainly wish I already memorized everything in the book The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy: What Every American Should Know by E. D. Hirsch, Jr.
I’d like to be able to quickly rattle off all the states and capitals or the names of presidents in order. Same goes for all the great empires that have come and gone. In order.
I’d like to impress you with knowledge of who led the league in batting average for the Dodgers in 1977. But I’d also need to learn who was known as the “Yankee Clipper,” “Sultan of Swat,” “Mr. October” and “Hoover”?
Who was the Brown Bomber?
I do know why on Passover we ask, “Why is this night different than all other nights?” but I don’t know why the caged bird sings.
I still need to wrap my head around the difference between the id and the ego.
I wish I could pick out by ear the differences between Beethoven, Mozart, Schumann and Shubert, or Haydn and Heiden.
What’s the hierarchy of the Greek gods?
And someone please explain what was the original sin?
What did e.e. cummings write and what’s with the aversion to capital letters? I’d love to attend an open-mic night and recite T.S. Eliot’s “J. Alfred Prufrock.”
I want to be more cultured and be able to list all the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Leonard Bernstein and Steven Sondheim without a blink.
I think it would be just fine to know a little something about engineering and neuroscience, which would definitely impress some friends.
I better binge on Masterpiece Theatre for some serious viewing and grammar lessons.
I’d like to understand the time line and details about the Vikings, Vandals and Kubla Khan.
And who was Charlemagne?
I do know who is not buried in Grant’s tomb, though.
I love a Gershwin tune– how about you? But I need to learn more about the music of Cole Porter and Irving Berlin and what distinguishes them. Let me be smart enough to pick out the arrangements by Nelson Riddle and the voice of Nelson Eddy, or the music of Gilbert & Sullivan versus Gilbert O’Sullivan. I’d like to know the whole Woody Guthrie catalogue.
When was the Suez Canal built? By whom? And why?
I can recite the three branches of government but need to brush up on reciting the Bill of Rights and the Preamble to the Declaration of Independence. I’d love to impress people at a party by standing up and giving much of the Gettysburg Address (I know who originally gave that one). And these days it appears that I really need to memorize the amendments of the Constitution.
When were the Bronze and Iron Ages, and what’s the difference?
What are the seven wonders of the world?
Where is Myanmar and what was it formerly called?
I remember in college specifically asking, “what is film noir?” I am much more educated on this now and a huge fan of the genre.
What is a “whip” in politics? And who were the Whigs?
Show me how to unfold, fold and read a map. Well, I guess with GPS on our phones it doesn’t really matter that much anymore.
I do know who was funnier between Karl Marx and Groucho Marx.
I want to get a full understanding for all civil-rights movements in the previous century.
It’s really my duty to learn more about the space program. Who were the men of Apollo 1?
I’ve tried to avoid politics most of the time, but I am fascinated and impressed by reporters and pundits who can recite political history, policy and policy makers. Please don’t ask me what James Polk was known for just yet. Hooray for the scholars, writers, readers, doers and history makers.
This list just scratches the surface. There are lectures, meetings, events, shows, documentaries, magazines, podcasts and a universe of books to read! If I could fill my tank with all of this, then I may feel like I have a good foundation in the universe and could actually make eye contact with the intellects and academics.
As for now, I still feel pretty small, but the good news is that just by writing this piece I feel a little bit better. You still may see me at meetings or events standing next to the smartest person in the room trying that osmosis again to up my I.Q. score. I have my own stack of books I want to read, places to visit and documentaries to watch to keep learning some things. But I did do some homework and research, so maybe I now do know a thing or two.
