With the summer travel season upon us, many couples discover the vacations they’ve looked forward to all year are anything but fun. Rather than having a relaxing time, being together 24/7 can be a minefield for couples who don’t anticipate the potential perils.
Many will find that vacationing can actually be more stressful than everyday life, as all the distractions of work and family obligations fall away and couples are left with just each other to deal with.
For some partners, all this 24/7 togetherness merely amplifies any problems previously disguised by more obvious, outside, day-to-day stresses. In this way, vacations can actually be tougher than not having enough time with each other the rest of the year.
Here are three ways to make all that togetherness on your summer trip more than tolerable, even downright pleasant:
Find Ways to Compromise.
Don’t look at every negotiation as if it means you have to give up something. It’s crucial that you both feel like you’ve been met about halfway overall. If not, even if you’ve won that particular battle, your partner’s resentment will very likely make it a lot less enjoyable for you. You can’t expect your partner to only do the things you want to do. And just because your partner gets his or her way sometimes doesn’t mean you’ve lost. Pick your battles. Only make an issue out of things that are truly important to you. It’s not only essential to spend time doing things you can enjoy together, but also to explore new ways to have fun with each other.
Cultivate a Friendship.
Remember what it was that attracted you to your spouse in the first place and make sure to bring out in yourself what was attractive about you. Strong friendships are based on shared moments and experiences so cultivate a few of these on vacation you can look back on later. In addition, if you don’t make time to laugh every single day and be playful in your regular life, now’s the time. The child parts of each of you need to hang out together and play. Be spontaneous, go with the flow, and most of all, have fun! Hopefully, tapping back into those aspects of yourselves on vacation will then carry over when you get home.
Be Romantic.
Romance is one of those relationship extras that’s so easy to let fall by the wayside, especially as time passes but is so important to help maintain a couple’s bond above and beyond their basic friendship. Whether it’s as simple and spontaneous as holding hands, or as elaborate and planned out as a candlelight dinner, romance helps keeps a relationship fresh. For example, give your spouse a peck on the cheek, a squeeze on the shoulder or a full-on hug when he or she least expects it. Make the decision to put in the effort in the romance department that’s the best way to get your spouse to do so, as well. If you’re waiting for him or her to make the first move, your vacation may already be over by the time it happens.
So, when traveling with your spouse this summer, remember to compromise and cultivate your friendship, but also add back a little romance to your relationship. Be flexible in the choices you make and try to find something positive, even when doing activities you might not have picked for yourself. Don’t be resentful, and above all, don’t be afraid to try new things together. Doing so can create wonderful shared memories and help each of you see the other in a new light, injecting some spark into the relationship.
Doreen Orion is a psychiatrist who spent 24/7 in 340 square feet for a year with her psychiatrist husband when they traveled around the U.S. in a converted bus. She is the author of Queen of the Road: The True Tale of 47 States, 22,000 Miles, 200 Shoes, 2 Cats, 1 Poodle, a Husband, and a Bus With a Will of Its Own (Broadway Books). For more info, visit www.QueenOfTheRoadTheBook.com.
