Neena Strichart
Publisher
Last week I filled my column with little bits of information that I wanted to share with our readers. One topic I chose was my newfound love for the hazelnut-chocolate spread called Nutella.
When I arrived at Donato’s (my hairdresser’s place of business) Saturday morning, my stylist, Leah, couldn’t wait to tell me about her sister’s Nutella experience. I laughed myself into tears as she shared the story with me. I promised Leah I would do my best to retell it to our readers with the same fervor as she relayed it to me, but do keep in mind that I have embellished the story just a bit to aid in the retelling. Also, I have changed the names of the characters and refer to the sister and the sister’s daughter henceforth as Donna and Peaches, to not only protect their identities but to keep Leah from getting in trouble with her family.
As the story goes, Donna’s adult daughter Peaches came for an extended visit and decided while her mother was at work to tidy up the house and clean out the refrigerator. Tossing out old jars of this and that and wiping up various spills and whatnot, Peaches was quite proud of the job she’d done. She was sure her mother would be both surprised and delighted by the act of daughterly love. Much to poor Peaches chagrin (and Donna’s ire), that’s not at all what happened.
Arriving home after a long day at work, Donna entered and found her daughter bubbling over with enthusiasm. Peaches excitedly directed her mom into the kitchen, just sure that Donna would endow her with praises galore. Instead of the expected kudos, once Donna opened the refrigerator with the now sparkling shelves, she let out with a high-pitched screech that no doubt attracted a multitude of neighboring dogs. Gasping for breath, Donna then bellowed in disbelief, “Where is my Kobe Bryant Nutella?!” Not understanding the negative reaction, poor Peaches replied calmly, “I threw it away— it was expired.” Donna screamed “Well, go find it!”
Seeing the rage in her mother’s eyes, she was afraid to tell her that the garbage truck had already come and taken away the discarded items. Retreating slowly from her mother, Peaches tried to explain that the jar was indeed gone forever. As Donna heard the news she yelled and screamed and paced the kitchen like a caged tigress— a tigress without her Nutella.
Apparently Donna is a big fan of basketball star Kobe Bryant, and also of Nutella; so, when a label featuring the likeness of dear Kobe appeared on a jar of the yummy spread, Donna decided to buy it and hold on to it forevermore as a souvenir. In her mind, keeping it in the refrigerator unopened would help it retain its value!and allow for a daily glimpse at one of her favorite celebrities! She knew full well that it was expired— but certainly did not intend to eat it anyway.
Explaining this in frank language to Peaches, Donna found her daughter seriously concerned about the health implications of keeping an expired jar of Nutella, refrigerated or not. With fingers of fury, Donna dialed the headquarters of the Nutella company and reached a representative on the phone. Explaining quite graphically what happened, the Nutella spokeswoman assured Donna that an unopened jar of Nutella should not be considered dangerous and then suggested that Donna tell Peaches in no uncertain terms to “back away from the Nutella!”
What is the moral of the story? If you give your child a fruity name, payback can be the pits!
