by Neena Strichart
Friendship, healthy family dynamics and love relationships are becoming increasingly complex concepts to me. It seems that the older I get the more complicated and difficult these notions are becoming. It appears that what I may intend as a loving act of kindness and caring is sometimes viewed as quite the opposite, and is instead seen as being intrusive. I am feeling that my interpersonal communication is being garbled with misconstrued voicemails, quick text messages, Facebook chats and/or lost emails.
I find face-to-face conversations to be the best but difficult to arrange. I want to see who I am talking to. I want to hear his or her tone of voice and see facial expressions and body language. I don’t want to misinterpret information received or given. In turn, I want the object of my conversation to garner the same from me. I don’t want to be misunderstood or to leave any question of my intensions in the mind of the person I am chatting with.
I want to make eye contact. I want to smile and be smiled at. I want to laugh with, shed tears with or whatever it takes for my messages, received or projected, to be crystal-clear.
Also, I am a toucher. Quite often I reach out and touch the hand or arm of the person I am speaking with. My mother does the same thing. It is my way to let that person know that I am engaged in our conversation and I am paying attention to him or her and only him or her. I also prefer sitting across from the person I am speaking with. Sitting side-by-side is not my favorite seating arrangement for making meaningful conversation, even if it is in a car or at a sushi bar.
Nevertheless, in spite of my efforts to communicate and be sensitive to others’ feelings and emotions, I have found that it seems to be quite fashionable these days for folks to share their deepest fears with me and then appear incensed when I react like a mother bear.
Note to those who share their lives with me: If you don’t want to hear what I have to say, don’t ask for my opinion. If you don’t want me to take action, don’t give me information that leads me to believe that you are in some kind of ultimate danger. If you are just venting and are not in crisis, take the whimper and dramatic tone out of your voice. If you are happy in your situation and have no intentions of changing it, don’t complain over and over and over again. If you are tired, sleep. If you are hungry, eat. If you are in a lousy relationship, fix it or move on. But, if you just want to do a little grumbling about your boyfriend not picking up his dirty socks or the hubby not putting down the toilet seat, I’m your gal! Hey, I’ve been married three times, and I can gripe with the best of ’em! But, please don’t bring me your serious problems and expect me not to react— it’s not who I am, and I’m not going to change now!
Note to self: For goodness sake, stop trying to help those who don’t want help! Learn the difference between those who are just pitching a fit out of frustration and those who really need to solve a problem. Trying to make a difference where a difference is not wanted is like trying to hear the number blue !it can’t be done.
