by Neena Strichart
Although it is summer, it seems to me that I keep running into folks with spring fever. Love or lust is in the air, and I can feel it all around me. Whether it is friends or business acquaintances, young adults, middle-agers or senior citizens, males or females, for the last several weeks the subject of partnering up keeps sneaking into my conversations with others.
What I have found interesting is how focused those on the hunt for love still appear to be with looks, money and status. Years ago, those things may have mattered to me, but now that I am just nine and a half months shy of 60 years of age, I believe my list of requirements for a mate would be quite different (if I were in the market) than it might have been two or three decades ago.
Being married to Steve for nearly 25 years, I believe he truly fits not only some of my old criteria, but also my new ones as well.
Old criteria (The perfect man from my perspective when I was in my 20s)
Must be attractive !. Yes, I still think he’s handsome.
There has to be chemistry/passion !. Yep, we still got it!
Has to love to dance !. No, he never did. Oh, well. I can’t have it all.
Has to have a good job !. He retired as a police officer (with a pension) several years ago, and he works with me at the paper, so I guess technically it’s a “yes.”
Must own a nice car !. Not so much.
Newer criteria (the perfect man from my perspective now)
Should have a reliable car !. Yes, his car is a well-cared-for 2003 Honda CRV with nearly 100,000 miles and good tires. Mine is a 2003 Honda Accord with 41,000 miles and good tires.
Must get along well with my mother !. Yes, he is very good to my mother. Sometimes I think she likes him more than she likes me!
Has to be a pet lover !. Yes, he is a great daddy to our dogs and cats.
Must have outside interests to keep him out of my hair !. Yes, thank goodness he has his Elks Club, greyhound functions and reptile club meetings.
Has to be involved in the community where we live ! Absolutely, yes!
Furthermore, I think a talk that might be important for a couple to have before marriage would be one like the one Steve and I had to have a few months ago. We had to make a decision on whether or not to spend big dollars (equivalent to a Hawaiian vacation) on our 9-year-old dog who was suffering from a ruptured disc. In our case, it was a no-brainer, and we asked the vet how quickly he could operate on our Sophie. (By the way, she is in full recovery and worth every dime we spent!) However, what if we had not agreed on the matter? I think it could have been a major problem for our marriage.
I’m not saying that our decision was the right decision; I am saying it was right for us as a couple. We were in full agreement. Another couple might have decided as a team to instead choose euthanasia for the doggie. I’m not saying that putting the dog to sleep is the right decision either, but if it is a mutual decision made by both parties, it certainly won’t drive a wedge between the two people involved. In my opinion, agreement on major issues is one of the keys to a successful marriage.
Also, how does your potential mate handle crises? Does he or she run away and dump the whole thing in your lap, or work as a team to deal with the situation? What if you were seriously ill? Would your so-called loved one be there to help and give you moral support, or would he or she ditch? When we are young, we don’t think of these things, but I think we should remind our juniors how important agreement and real commitment are. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a heck of a lot more important in the long run than a pretty face or a fancy car.
