By Neena Strichart
We have all received gifts we’d like to return. Holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries— sometimes the gift-giver doesn’t put much thought into the seemingly well intentioned gesture. Men have been known to receive the silent treatment for hours, days, months or longer when female loved ones unwrap new blenders, thigh whittlers or other such “practical” gifts.
Sometimes, instead of being able to return offensive presents, we get stuck with gifts that keep on giving— a perfect example is recorded below as sent to me from my friend Denise Damrow. (I’ve embellished for effect.)
John received a beautiful parrot as an early Christmas gift from an ex-girlfriend. The parrot turned out to have a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s bad language and calm the feathered fowl.
Finally, John was so fed up that he yelled at the parrot. The parrot screamed back, louder and louder, with language that just got worse and worse; he wouldn’t stop. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked, kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over five minutes.
Fearing he’d killed the bird rather than just punished it, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my improper and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, “May I inquire as to what the Cornish game hen did?
